Emotional Intelligence At Work - How to Learn the Skill of Empathy

Business books are full of ideas, but sometimes those ideas are hard for busy people like you to implement.

The beauty about emotional intelligence is that of course some people are more gifted in this area, but that the skills can be learned. It takes a little information, a willingness to experiment in a real work situation and taking small steps to achieve success.

Receiving positive feedback from friends and coworkers can be an enormous help when learning a new skill. How then to learn effective empathy if you are one of those task-oriented managers who is primarily focused on achievement? The good news is that your achievement orientation and focusing abilities will help you in acquiring empathy skills. The bad news is that it may not be natural at first. Fortunately, empathy is a learned capability and like other competencies, it can be acquired.

Here are some steps to take to begin improving empathy as an effective management tool. Like all the emotional competencies, it is better to practice with an experienced executive coach who can monitor and give you effective feedback. Reading a book and taking a class can both help to gain a greater cognitive understanding of what is involved. However, empathy skills must be learned experientially, that is, practiced in the field in real-time.

Ten Ways to Develop Empathy

1. Keep a note of situations in which you felt you were able to demonstrate empathy and a note when you felt you did not. Make a note of missed opportunities to respond with empathy.

2. Become aware of incidents where there may be some underlying concerns that are not explicitly expressed by others.

3. Make a note of possible emotions or feelings that the other person may be experiencing. Keep an open mind and never assume, merely explore the possibilities.

4. Develop a list of questions to ask at your next encounter with that person. Try to make the questions open-ended, that is, questions that cannot be answered by yes or no.

5. Practice listening without interrupting. Wait until the other person is complete with their point of view before offering yours.

6. Avoid being defensive in order to create an open dialogue where possibilities can be explored freely.

7. Allow creative time for people to express opinions and ideas without judgment.

8. Practice active listening: always check out the meaning of what was said with the person speaking. Paraphrasing what was said helps to clear up misconceptions and to deepen understanding.

9. Always bring focus back into the conversation. Remember that optimal effectiveness is achieved by a combination of focus and empathy.

10. Work on achieving an effective balance of focus, goal orientation and empathic listening.

Working with a seasoned executive coached trained in emotional intelligence can help you learn the skill of empathy and become a more effective leader.

Dr. Maynard Brusman is a consulting psychologist, executive coach and trusted advisor to senior leadership teams.

We provide strategic talent management solutions to select and develop emotionally intelligent leaders and lawyers.

The Society for Advancement of Consulting (SAC) awarded two rare "Board Approved" designations for Dr. Maynard Brusman in the specialties of Executive/Leadership Coaching and Trusted Advisor to Attorneys and Law Firms.

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